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My fellow Americans.
Now that my approval ratings are roughly at the same level
as my blood pressure, i.e. barely detectable, and my credibility is nonexistent,
I thought I might actually try being honest for a change about the real
State of the Union.
Just over a year ago when I took oath of office, I talked
about “the common objects we love that define us as Americans. . .
Opportunity. Security. Liberty. Dignity. Respect. Honor. And yes, the
truth.”
So let me describe to you the State of our Union in those
terms:
First, opportunity.
Under my leadership, inflation has reached a 40+ year high
and shows no signs of abating.
I’ve also demonstrated how serious I am about fighting
inflation by re-appointing the very same Federal Reserve officials who
created the inflation to begin with, to another four-year term.
Further, the supply chain crisis we engineered from our
cascading failures of labor policy, environmental policy, trade policy,
monetary policy, and public health policy, also shows little sign of
resolving.
We’ve also been instrumental in destroying the labor market
and making it virtually impossible to find workers.
Plus my administration continues to impose new regulations
by the day, threaten new taxes, and put out unintelligible public health
policies, that make things especially difficult for small and medium-sized
businesses.
But at least Pfizer’s profits are at a record high.
Second, security.
Our southern border was overwhelmed with countless migrants
almost literally the moment I took office. We continue to ignore this
growing crisis.
Similarly, we choose to ignore soaring rates of murder in
America’s cities.
As Commander-in-Chief, I ordered the US military to hastily
withdraw from Afghanistan without sufficient time to make adequate
preparations. As a result, the entire world witnessed one of the most
disgraceful, shameful events in US history as we left behind our citizens,
our allies, and tens of billions of dollars of taxpayer-funded military
equipment to our sworn enemy.
I tried making up for this personal and national humiliation
by trying to outmaneuver Vladimir Putin over Ukraine.
My son Hunter and I obviously have a soft spot for Ukraine.
But my real priority was using Putin’s military buildup as an opportunity
to appear strong again, and hopefully boost my sagging poll numbers.
Despite my years of foreign policy experience, I failed to
foresee the consequences of provoking Putin, pushing him into a corner, and
essentially daring him to invade.
(And now, by the way, as we are pushing Russia out of the
SWIFT international banking platform, I am also failing to foresee the
obvious risk of Putin hacking it. But more on that another time…)
You may recall that, while I was hiding in my basement
during the 2020 Presidential campaign, I promised voters a “steady hand”
when it came to diplomacy and national security.
Well, this is what 5 decades of government experience gets
you.
Third, liberty.
We continue to foster a climate where the government tells
you what you’re supposed to believe, what you have to put in your body, and
how you’re allowed to educate your children.
We think nothing of imposing illegal, unconstitutional
mandates, and handing public health bureaucrats the authority to regulate
everything from nationwide commerce to the entire US housing market.
Justin Trudeau recently set a fantastic example for us to
follow when it comes to individual freedom, and so we’re working hard to
become Canada as quickly as possible.
Fourth, dignity and respect.
I promised the American people unity in my inaugural
address. I said that “we must end this uncivil war that pits red against
blue, rural versus urban, conservative versus liberal.”
Naturally I have completely abandoned that promise. Not only
have I failed to rein in the intolerant, out-of-control leftist puritans
waging cultural genocide across America, but I set a clear example for them
by labeling my ideological opponents as White Supremacists.
I call legislation I don’t like “Jim Crow 2.0”. And I
encourage federal police agencies to investigate parents who don’t want
Critical Race Theory taught to their children in public schools.
Fifth, honor.
My short time in office has brought extreme dishonor upon
the reputation of the United States. In addition to the humiliation in
Afghanistan, the rest of the world must be in shock as they see the
constant chaos and absurdity of our government.
We are more consumed by pronouns than progress. We publicly
embrace Marxist ideologies. We push our intelligence agencies to prioritize
diversity and inclusion over national security. We deliberately undercut
our ally—the French—to do a submarine deal with Australia that provided absolutely
zero benefit to our nation.
And just recently our public debt reached a whopping $30
trillion… which hardly brings any honor or esteem to our nation.
Last but not least, truth.
I told Americans last year during my inauguration that “each
of us has a duty and responsibility, as citizens, as Americans. . . to
defend the truth and to defeat the lies.”
That’s why my administration has worked diligently to
suppress free speech. We believe that #science has only one authority
figure, and anyone who disagrees with his eminence, Lord Protector Fauci,
is guilty of misinformation.
For that reason we enlisted the support of Big Tech to
remove posts and terminate user accounts upon our request.
We claim that we love democracy so much, yet we continue to
assert federal control over state and local elections. One of our goals is
to squash any state law requiring voters to present valid identification
before being allowed to cast their ballots.
Requiring identification would help reduce voter fraud and
increase election security. But we like voter fraud… so we’re opposed to
any identification requirement and label them as racist.
We also rely on the mainstream media, which absurdly claims
to be objective and unbiased, to reinforce our ridiculous propaganda. They
do so willingly and voluntarily, refraining from holding me accountable or
asking any difficult questions whatsoever.
This, my fellow Americans, is the real State of our Union.
(Tonight, however, I’m going to tell a bunch of pathetic
lies that no one will believe about what a great job I’m doing.)
And if you feel a bit down about the State of our Union,
just remember-- I’ll still be President for another 3 years, 10 months, 19
days. We have a looooong way to go.
To your freedom,
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6 comments:
We've haven't suffered through such an inept, lying prez since Carter [but most media still supports this garbage]
I don't get it-fuel prices jumped to $3.80 overnight & yet the idiot Biden won't reopen our pipeline or allow drilling on fed land-somebody please banish this moron to Russia!
The ‘State Of The Union’ Is A Disaster, So Biden Gave A Campaign Speech Instead
Not surprising [or is it] how little even mainstream media has said about the lies & BS of Biden's SOFU?
Biden & his crime family are just con artists and grifters!
Hit all the nails on the head-Biden is useless tripe.
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